I don’t want to run a marathon.
I have attempted running, but I can’t even come close to marathon distance. It probably wouldn’t be impossible for me to do it, if I trained every single day until I succeeded. But I find absolutely no pleasure in either training or actual attempts, so it feels like I am wasting valuable time to do something I don’t like just because some other people told me it’s good for me.
I don’t want to beat Portal (a video game).
It is not my type of video game, and I find absolutely no pleasure in playing it and attempting to reach the end. I have beaten other puzzle games in the past, so it makes sense that I would also be able to beat this one. I just don’t want to waste my precious time doing something I dislike so much.
(Those were just examples, for the sake of argument, by the way. I don’t want random internet strangers thinking I hate Portal when it’s such a good game)
Do you accept my explanations? Do you think I should be shamed for my preferences and choices? Would you tell me “you only say that beause you’re too weak/dumb to actually do it.”? Would you write elaborate internet articles mocking me and everyone like me for this?
I’ve been lurking on MGTOW websites for some time now, wondering what they had to say.
For those who don’t know, MGTOW mean “Men going their own way”. It is somewhat related to MRA (Men’s rights activism), since it shares several beliefs with them, for example that divorce court (and society in general) is heavily biased against men nowadays. The main difference is that, while Men’s rights activists actually want to improve things for men, MGTOWs don’t care. The whole idea is this: “Men have a terrible deal in society nowadays, especially compared to the women they interact with. I either think it can’t be changed, or simply don’t want to invest the time to change things, so I will just go my own way”. It is not exactly a movement, since most men in it have different political opinions and do different things. Many of them just won’t deal with women anymore, thinking it’s not worth the hassle. Many of them just don’t want to marry, because they think it’s a trap.
The point is, they all do their own thing, and stop kneeling down to women just to get a chance at being with one.
Of course, as with any internet echo chamber, this can degenerates in misogyny often. If you go on their subreddit, you will find many posts complaining about female nature, how they are evil, stupid or both.
But that’s not the interesting part.
I consider myself an egalitarian. I think women and men have equal value, should have equal rights, etc. When I see much of the stuff they post, what I see is a good reasoning. If women were evil and stupid, like they think, then the morally justified choice is to just stop interacting with them.
Some men will always despise women. Some women will always despise men. That’s part of life and tribality. I would much rather have these men just go their own way, than pull off something like Elliot Rodger did. I think everyone is allowed to have their opinion, as long as they don’t hurt anyone else or break the law. If you’re offended by what they post, you are free to stop reading it.
The thing I don’t quite understand is how much hate they get for it. As an heterosexual male who still interacts with women, I don’t see what’s wrong with many of them voluntarily removing themselves from the competition. I see men complaining about them, and I don’t understand why they wouldn’t be glad. I see women complaining about them, and I don’t understand. If you think someone like that sucks so much as a person, aren’t you glad they won’t be trying to date you?
They aren’t hurting anyone. You can’t change how they think, so why not embrace the fact that how they apply their thinking mostly benefits you?
But, everywhere I go (except on their own forums and sites), whenever I read anything about MGTOW not written by MGTOW, I see complaints, insults, shaming. Some people say “They are just mad because they can’t get girls”. As with any internet community, I assume at least a few of them really can’t get girls. I don’t know if it’s 1% or 99%, but there are some, and there are also some who could be married or sleeping with a different woman every night if they wanted to. That is not the point. Actually, it’s even just reinforcing their arguments that “women need us, so they shame us into wanting them”.
Which was the point of my two examples at the beginning. Whether I am not able to run a marathon, or simply don’t feel like playing a game, it is entirely my choice, no matter the reason. For those men, whether they are not able to charm women, or simply don’t think it’s worth their time, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that they made that choice, you made yours, so why not just be glad they aren’t making your life more difficult?
You might think they are on the wrong path, you might think they’d be happier following in your footsteps, or you might just despise them as people. But they think they are on the right path, and they chose one who can only be neutral or good for you. They made their choice, you made yours. In a way, your are both going your own ways.
I do not endorse any misogynistic talk. But I will not witch-hunt people for it either. At the end of the day, talk is just talk. I’ll be the first to call the cops on people who start punching women (or anyone) for no reason. But that’s not what is happening right now, so why not just let them be?